Yes, it’s my body and your image is not my body image. Body shammers need to wrap that around their heads. I’ll repeat it again. What you see in my body is your perception, your image of my body. It is my body and what you see is not my reality. If you constantly hear the same negative things, it’ll get to a point where it hurts so much. As woman we are constantly hearing comments about our bodies positive and negative. Sometimes you just want to mush someone’s face in a wall because they seem not to know how to speak accordingly.
For those of you who have never met and do not know me, I am an extremely petite woman. Hence my Instagram handle, petite brunette. I have always been. I have been tiny since birth. As I grew into my body from elementary school and up, I began to grow a complex on my very small frame. I constantly heard people tell me how skinny I was. Everything I have ever heard about my body by others:
- “Did you eat?”
- “Are you hungry?”
- “You look like you need a burger!”
- “Why are you so skinny?”
- “You don’t eat a lot right?”
- “That’s why you are so skinny, you don’t eat.”
- “That’s all you’re going to eat.”
- “Why are you working out? You don’t need to.”
- “You can’t afford to lose any weight.”
- “You anorexic b**ch!”
No! I am not anorexic. I certainly don’t starve myself. In fact, I eat multiple times a day. I don’t calorie count. I eat whatever I want when I want. I don’t restrict myself when it comes to eating. How should a person feel hearing things like that? I never understood why my body affects others. I am just naturally thin with a flat athletic looking stomach which I inherited from my parents. My mom is thick and short in contrast my dad is tall and thin. I am a mixture of the both of them. Growing up I had the hardest time trying to understand why I hadn’t inherited my mom’s curvy body type. Just imagine a traditional body type for a Latin woman. Exactly… Chances are you imagined a thick curvy goddess. That was hard to internalize. I often thought I didn’t embody a Latina because I am not as curvy. Don’t get me wrong, I do have curves but my curves go with my small frame. No, I don’t have hips that lie like Shakira but I have a little something something.
Let’s not even get into my experience shopping for clothes. I am not sure why retailers carry a limited supply of petite sizes in store. Whenever I ask for more the sales associate says “You can try online.” Why are our choices so limited? Petite woman actually exist in real life. I have a terrible time at certain stores when trying on jeans. Some retailers have jeans that are oversized. In some places a size 1 is huge and while in others a size 1 is perfect. I tend to stick to H&M, Zara and Gap for jeans because they flatter my body. The jeans in those stores actually run small which I enjoy. When shopping for going out body-con dresses, I second guess if I should purchase because the model pictured is ‘thick’. I often worry if the dress will fit how I want it to fit. I typically shop online to find smaller sizes than going to a store and being disappointed. I also hate going into fitting rooms and trying clothes on that weren’t designed for my body type. It is often annoying to waste time trying on clothes.
Middle school was tough for me, my closest friends and peers were always ‘thicker’ than me and were fully developed from the back and front. I was always the friend with the small boobs and the small booty. During that age I watched boys make passes at the girls that were fully developed. As I got older I realized middle school boys are pretty shallow. They always chose the girls who had the biggest boobs and booty. I got used to just blending in and not being noticed by my peers. In high school, I grew to become extremely irritated by skinny comments. I began correcting the ignorance. “I am petite not skinny. I am thin and short, that makes me petite. This one boy said “you’re so skinny.” I replied “if you wouldn’t tell an overweight person that they’re so fat then don’t say that to me. That’s rude.” He had nothing else to say. Just because you’re changing the word fat for skinny doesn’t make a difference. It is still rude and it is none of your business whether I’m skin and bones or skin and rolls. As an adult I have become so much more comfortable with my size. It doesn’t matter how big or small a woman may be we can still to be self-conscious about our bodies. Some woman believe thinner woman shouldn’t have any because they’re thin. Just because we’re thin doesn’t exempt us from being self-conscious.
Honestly, I am just waiting for petite woman to come back into style. I recently, gained a few pounds and I am elated. I had tried for years but was unsuccessful. A lot my jeans from high school that I saved fit like a glove now. You don’t know how amazing that feels. I am open to gaining a few more pounds but wouldn’t want to completely lose my small frame. After years of dreading it, I love it now. I am great at hide and seek, I fit anywhere.
What’s your body type? How have you been shammed?
Polish The Soul