Adjusting your identity
I’ve been a student for about 19 years, pretty much my whole life. Now that I’ve finished my undergrad degree, I feel as though I am going through withdrawal symptoms. It’s been about a 1 1/2 year since graduation. I often feel lost without the idea of being a student. I could always find comfort in being a student because that was all I knew. I started college the summer after High School. I did not have a chance to digest what it would be like without the obligation of having to attend school. I was Sasha, the student for a very long time. Now that I have lost that part of my identity it feels strange and unfamiliar. I took a year off from school to focus and center myself before pursuing graduate school. I had a hard time deciding what my next steps would be but luckily I came to my senses.I enjoy all the free time of not having to worry about assignments and studying but I miss school so much.
I recently took a leap of faith and put my creative work to the test. I applied to several Fine Arts graduate programs. I cannot stop thinking about going back! The idea of going back to school gives me a feeling of being home. Eventually, I will have to learn how to live without the identity of being a student and adapt to another but in the meantime, I am set on going back to school and finishing up with my goal of becoming a graduate student. A part of me wonders if I am just going back to feel that sense of comfort again or if I am really going because I want to learn more. My relationship with school is very similar to that of Stockholm syndrome. The concept of school has a tendency of holding me hostage and stressing me out but I love it so much I cannot be without it, no how matter how hard it beats me down.
In this last year, I have gotten cozy with anxiety and stress. We’ve cuddled nonstop all day and night. I’ve felt defeated, angry, frustrated and even hopeless. In the midst of these emotions, I forgot to let go of the steering wheel and allow the universe to guide me freely. I was so fixed on the outcome of the situation that I forgot to be mindful of the journey. I was deaf and blind to the lessons in between the setbacks. Don’t get me wrong… I still wig out and want to pull out all my hair from the frustration but I’m slowly learning how to surrender to situations that aren’t in my control.
As a young student, I had always believed I would be a college graduate and I had always imagined continuing on to receive a graduate degree. I had always dreamt of the day that I could walk across the stage and where a fancy graduate gown. Just to think back to then, I am so proud of how far I have come. Although college degrees shouldn’t define you and still come with headaches and struggles, I am still humbled by my path. I would have never expected the struggles I would face after graduating, I thought finding my place in life would be easier. I always knew getting a “good job” straight after college would be a challenging road but I didn’t think it would take such a toll on my sanity. I currently work for the Department of Education, I was hired 6 months after graduation. Most people would say that I have a pretty good job but in my heart, I don’t feel content. I know my heart is searching for where I belong and I don’t belong here. I am grateful for the experience I have been exposed to thus far but I have a sense that my time here will be ending soon. As this chapter closes a new one will begin with many more lessons. I am ready to continue my journey elsewhere with a heart full of gratitude.
Polish The Soul xx
Crystal Love Affair
There’s no secret that I am a very spiritual woman by nature. I’ve had crystals in the past that I hadn’t done much with in the past as I had not understood the power stored within them. The first set of crystals I had purchased was on an Esty shop online. Looking back I’d say I wasn’t ready to commit to the lifestyle. Until, about last summer when I randomly found myself going in the wrong direction and I discovered a spiritual shop. I knew in my heart I had gotten lost on purpose in a sense. I walked into the shop and instantly felt at ease with the cleansing aroma in the air. I roamed around the store and looked at the different crystals they had and spiritual objects. I felt compelled to purchase a Rose Quartz bracelet. I had fallen completely in love with the bracelet, I instantly cleansed it and put it on my wrist right after receiving my receipt. What I hadn’t known at the time was that crystals choose you. While purchasing my Rose Quartz bracelet I had been memorized by this white and gray marble bracelet. I didn’t pay it much mind and I continued to pay attention to the Rose quartz because I felt I would benefit from Crystal in terms of compassion and self-love.
Several weeks later I returned to the store and roamed around again as if I had never seen the store. In complete amazement with the vibe and energy all around me. I bent down to check out some candles with crystals attached that stuck out to me on a self and sure enough the white and grey marble crystal had found its way in my path again. I scanned the shelf to read the labels on the other candles then again my eyes met the crystal. It was labeled as a calming candle. I gave in and picked up the candle that had the crystal attached to it. I read the benefits of the candle and kept it in my hand. I had no intention of putting it down. I knew that candle had been left over for me, it was the very last one of its kind on the shelf. I took that as a sign from the universe.
I had soon learned the name of the crystal ‘White Howlite’ thanks to the woman by the register helping me check out. I had walked out of the store with my candle as happy can be. Later that afternoon, I finally made it home and was eager to test out the candle. So… I prepared myself to meditate with the candlelit and the crystal in hand. I felt calm as can be as soon as I lit the candle. It was then and there that I discovered my life had just changed. I fell in love with the crystal and haven’t left it home since. It puts my mind in such a state of peace. My body felt light and airy. I returned to the store about a month later to purchase the ‘White Howlite’ bracelet I had been memorized with during my first visit.
I often, allow myself to be consumed with anxiety. I used to get flustered very easily and since wearing White Howlite I have noticed such a difference in my behavior. The White Howlite crystal broke the mold for me about understanding how crystals could change my life. I often, visit the store sometimes just to roam around and soak up the energy. Usually, I walk out with a shopping bag because I really can’t help it. Since then I’ve purchased 4 different bracelets, about 10 different crystals from the shop alone and I also have a large cluster of Amethyst for my bedroom and a Buddha. I turned my room into a recharging center for my energy. I’ve increased my pocket collection from one to about 5. The bulge in my pocket often looks a little odd in the silhouette of my pants but it is a must. I even brought back out my old crystals that I had brought years ago that I never found a use for before.
Last week, I mediated with a handful of my crystals and I had gotten so deep into my trance I could feel the palm of my hand pulsating. I was so fascinated and had never experienced a moment like that before. It was then that I realized how POWERFUL crystals are. I had so much energy in my left hand that I could feel my left-hand pulsate. I welcomed the energy in with open arms.
Tips for introducing crystals into your lifestyle:
- Be open to receiving.
- Open your heart and mind.
- Cleanse them before introducing them to your energy.
- Cleanse them every so often.
- Set intentions: Tell the crystal what you what to receive.
- Listen to your intuition.
- Meditate with them.
- Pray with them.
- Speak to them.
- Be ready to commit to the practice!
- Carry them everywhere you go.
- Crystals should be carried on the left side of the body.
- You can carry them in your left pocket.
- Ladies: stick them in your bra on the left side. Closer to your heart the better.
- Too many crystals all at once can negatively affect you.
- Research! Never stop learning about them.
- Not all crystals work well together. Be cautious.
Below you will find a list of crystals I own.
- White Howlite
- Lapis Lazuli
- Snowflake Obsidian
- Rose Quartz
Polish The Soul xx
Pieces from @Polishthesoul on Instagram
Being a writer is pretty tricky. I’d like to think of us as magicians. We magically turn letters to words and words to poems. We make words come to life while giving the reader some sense of emotions. Anything can trigger inspiration while on the other hand, anything can trigger writers’ block. I find when I am doing the most thinking, I can write more without even pausing to think about what to write next. It just flows like a river.
Before creating this blog, I used to post my random thoughts, quotes, and poems on Tumblr account for years but I had forgotten my password. Last night, I was finally able to sign in. As I began reading my work, I couldn’t help but feel stunned. All the lost memories and lost words flashed back as i had never left them behind.
Ironically, I had named my Tumblr account ‘Soulless in the city’. I say ironically because I’ve been obsessed with souls since before I can remember and if anyone is soulful it’s me. The concept of souls had always appealed to me. The mystery of it all captivated my curious mind. Back then during my Tumblr era, I had still been in hiding even though my content was accessible for people to read. The fact that I didn’t have many followers gave me a sense of comfort to release my rigid thoughts. At the time I had been going through a period of sadness where I then thought I had identified with the phrase soulless in the city. Looking back at the evolution of my soul growth I was far from soulless. It was so much easier for me to write freely than as my emotions were explosive. I couldn’t manage my emotions without putting them on paper. In the years that followed, I stopped writing for a very long time as I hadn’t known how to right sappy lines without feeling sappy. I had found myself in a place of peace and happiness which made it hard to write anything. I went through a drought for a few years then one day it all came back to me. I soon learned that I hadn’t lost my touch, I just needed time to channel this sense of emotion to write. Like a fire pit, just a little bit of fire to light the pit.
When I decided on the name of this blog I contemplated flipping my Tumblr name which would have been ‘Soul in the city’. I felt something was missing and I wasn’t sold on the idea. I am so glad I didn’t follow through with that name for my blog. It wouldn’t have captured the essence of what I wanted to create. Soulless was a phase I had gone through that allowed me to spill my bits of darkness. On the flip side Polish the Soul has allowed me to spill bits of light. The light I hadn’t thought much about until I began researching the universe. The girl I was then and the woman I am today, worlds apart. She slept in darkness and this woman sleeps in light. Trust me, I am a mix of light and dark but my light outweighs my darkness. I’m a magical woman!
Polish The Soul xx