Discovering what I was capable of and trusting it was a huge task for me. I in a sense feared who I am because I couldn’t understand it. I felt honored to have been given this gift but at the same time I couldn’t shake the fear of it all. When I decided to move forward and honor my truth, I was convinced I could help others find solace as a conduit for the other side. I had not thought about the healing I would experience for myself, just by standing up and leading despite my reservations. I found healing when I was not looking for it, I developed a relationship with my grandmother whom I had not known much when she was alive.
I lost my paternal grandmother four years ago. Ironically, on the 1st of November. 111 is a highly spiritual number and is linked to our spiritual awakening journey. Reminding us to pay attention to signs that the Universe is supporting our journey. Our job is to tune in and try to decipher the signs. 111 tells us not to be afraid to follow our intuition and trust the guidance we receive.
Growing up I had not felt much of a connection to her. I lived in the states, and she lived in the Dominican Republic. There were barriers all around our relationship. As a kid I didn’t care much for learning how to speak Spanish to be able to communicate with relatives. In my lifetime I could count on my fingers the amount of times I got to see her. She didn’t talk much, and we didn’t speak much over the phone. As I got old enough to understand the differences, I felt between my paternal and maternal grandmother; I realized we didn’t have much of a connection in comparison to the connection I had with my maternal grandma. We laughed, we joked and I knew how to identify her forms of affection. I never had that pleasure with my paternal grandmother.
When she passed I was a little confused as what to feel. I was sad, I cried at her funeral and can still hear the sounds of the hammers hammering into her casket to protect her casket from being stolen. In many cemeteries in the Dominican Republic, thieves come in and steal the caskets and remove the corpses to resell the caskets. It’s devastating to even imagine.The knocking sounds that was impeded into my memory is quite disturbing. As the months after her death began to pass, I began to notice my connection to the other side heightening again as it did years ago. At the time I didn’t correlate the connection to my grandmother at all. I was certain it was another spirit; I created a relationship with as I was deeply affected by her death as it home for me personally. I began to see white butterflies everywhere; my heart just couldn’t allow me to fathom the idea that it could have been my grandma. I figured she wouldn’t be the one making contact because we just did not have a “deep connection.” It wasn’t until about a year ago that I finally crawled out of the rock I was living under. I had an aha moment in which made me re-evaluate some of the signs I was seeing over and over again. I had begun seeing “111” and “624” more often than ever. I sat back and realized she had passed on 11/1, and I had grown up believing her birthday was 6/24. The signs were all there, I was just too blind to see them. Perhaps the pain I felt, placed a blindfold over my eyes. She passed away, and our stale connection was sealed forever, or so I thought. I believed she did not love me, because I did not feel her efforts to communicate with me which saddened me deeply. Creating some sort of void in my heart.
As I began exploring my ability to connect with spirit, I found myself in a meditative state in which I encountered my grandmas spirit. She appeared to me as splash of yellow. As her yellow silhouette approached my minds eye, my intuition automatically made me think of her. At the time I still had trouble trusting my intuition. So, I asked for her to validate my feeling. I asked for her to hold my hand.A few minutes later, I felt tingling kind of sensation on my left hand. It did not take me a long time to realize that was the sign I had asked for. I felt so full of emotion. I began to cry in the middle of my mediation; I just couldn’t control my emotions. I don’t know how else to explain what it felt like. I just know I felt so overwhelmed with love. That was one of many encounters I shared with her which happens to be one of my favorites.
Two months ago I learned how to channel specific spirits and receive messages from them. I had done readings for those closest to me, just to practice. I had an intuitive nudge to channel my grandma. I had no idea what to expect.I just knew something told me that I should. So I did just that. Although, I had begun to communicate with her more often and opened myself up to receive those signs from her I still had an energetic blockage separating us. Of course I did not know that, but she knew that. She took that time to give me a profound message which I wasn’t expecting.
I opened up the mediation with the intention to receive what I needed to know for my highest good. Two months ago today, she gave me this message:
“Healing hurts and sometimes love does to unless you know how to love.Its like driving a car. You have to know how it operates. You have to know how love works. It works differently for everyone; my “car” was different. I had my own way of driving. I loved in my own way. I love you, and I am sorry for making you feel any less than that. My granddaughter, my son’s daughter… I hold you with me. Open your heart to forgive me, so you can feel me. Being on this side everything is different, I understand more.”
I felt a sense of relief after receiving this message. It was so profound. She was absolutely right. We hold those around us responsible for the way in which they “love us” without understanding that we all love differently. I spent so much time comparing my relationship with my maternal grandma to the relationship I had with my paternal grandma. I created a foundation of what a relationship between a granddaughter and grandmother should look like based on my experience with my maternal grandma. I created an illusion which separated me from love. My ego convinced me that the love wasn’t there because the connection was different. Now that I have learned to differentiate the differences between ego, illusions and love, I understand my faults as well. My body was powered by ego and not by love.Ego is messy. I don’t want to be powered by ego any longer. I want to be powered by love. I want to see the light in others, despite our differences and their inabilities to live up to my “expectations.”
I hope this blog post has helped you open your eyes just a bit more to love. I hope you take this as a sign to fix the relationships you have with the living and there is ample time to reconnect and heal with those who are no longer living. My grandma Amalia helped me see life differently, all the way from the other side and I cannot thank her enough for doing so. I can feel her with me as I open up my heart to you all. I know she must be incredibly proud right now and jumping for joy. I finally tied the lesson together she has been trying to teach me for about four years, all by speaking my truth and sharing this with you all.
Love is real. Love heals all.
Polish The Soul 🤍✨