Posted in change, empowerment, faith, food for thought, growth, hope, light, love, passion, soul, spirituality, universe

Channeled message from my grandma

Discovering what I was capable of and trusting it was a huge task for me. I in a sense feared who I am because I couldn’t understand it. I felt honored to have been given this gift but at the same time I couldn’t shake the fear of it all. When I decided to move forward and honor my truth, I was convinced I could help others find solace as a conduit for the other side. I had not thought about the healing I would experience for myself, just by standing up and leading despite my reservations. I found healing when I was not looking for it, I developed a relationship with my grandmother whom I had not known much when she was alive.

I lost my paternal grandmother four years ago. Ironically, on the 1st of November. 111 is a highly spiritual number and is linked to our spiritual awakening journey. Reminding us to pay attention to signs that the Universe is supporting our journey. Our job is to tune in and try to decipher the signs. 111 tells us not to be afraid to follow our intuition and trust the guidance we receive.

Growing up I had not felt much of a connection to her. I lived in the states, and she lived in the Dominican Republic. There were barriers all around our relationship. As a kid I didn’t care much for learning how to speak Spanish to be able to communicate with relatives. In my lifetime I could count on my fingers the amount of times I got to see her. She didn’t talk much, and we didn’t speak much over the phone. As I got old enough to understand the differences, I felt between my paternal and maternal grandmother; I realized we didn’t have much of a connection in comparison to the connection I had with my maternal grandma. We laughed, we joked and I knew how to identify her forms of affection. I never had that pleasure with my paternal grandmother. 

When she passed I was a little confused as what to feel. I was sad, I cried at her funeral and can still hear the sounds of the hammers hammering into her casket to protect her casket from being stolen. In many cemeteries in the Dominican Republic, thieves come in and steal the caskets and remove the corpses to resell the caskets. It’s devastating to even imagine.The knocking sounds that was impeded into my memory is quite disturbing. As the months after her death began to pass, I began to notice my connection to the other side heightening again as it did years ago. At the time I didn’t correlate the connection to my grandmother at all. I was certain it was another spirit; I created a relationship with as I was deeply affected by her death as it home for me personally. I began to see white butterflies everywhere; my heart just couldn’t allow me to fathom the idea that it could have been my grandma. I figured she wouldn’t be the one making contact because we just did not have a “deep connection.” It wasn’t until about a year ago that I finally crawled out of the rock I was living under. I had an aha moment in which made me re-evaluate some of the signs I was seeing over and over again. I had begun seeing “111” and “624” more often than ever. I sat back and realized she had passed on 11/1, and I had grown up believing her birthday was 6/24. The signs were all there, I was just too blind to see them. Perhaps the pain I felt, placed a blindfold over my eyes. She passed away, and our stale connection was sealed forever, or so I thought. I believed she did not love me, because I did not feel her efforts to communicate with me which saddened me deeply. Creating some sort of void in my heart. 

As I began exploring my ability to connect with spirit, I found myself in a meditative state in which I encountered my grandmas spirit. She appeared to me as splash of yellow. As her yellow silhouette approached my minds eye, my intuition automatically made me think of her. At the time I still had trouble trusting my intuition. So, I asked for her to validate my feeling. I asked for her to hold my hand.A few minutes later, I felt tingling kind of sensation on my left hand. It did not take me a long time to realize that was the sign I had asked for. I felt so full of emotion. I began to cry in the middle of my mediation; I just couldn’t control my emotions. I don’t know how else to explain what it felt like. I just know I felt so overwhelmed with love. That was one of many encounters I shared with her which happens to be one of my favorites. 

Two months ago I learned how to channel specific spirits and receive messages from them. I had done readings for those closest to me, just to practice. I had an intuitive nudge to channel my grandma. I had no idea what to expect.I just knew something told me that I should. So I did just that. Although, I had begun to communicate with her more often and opened myself up to receive those signs from her I still had an energetic blockage separating us. Of course I did not know that, but she knew that. She took that time to give me a profound message which I wasn’t expecting. 

I opened up the mediation with the intention to receive what I needed to know for my highest good. Two months ago today, she gave me this message:

“Healing hurts and sometimes love does to unless you know how to love.Its like driving a car. You have to know how it operates. You have to know how love works. It works differently for everyone; my “car” was different. I had my own way of driving. I loved in my own way. I love you, and I am sorry for making you feel any less than that. My granddaughter, my son’s daughter… I hold you with me. Open your heart to forgive me, so you can feel me. Being on this side everything is different, I understand more.”

I felt a sense of relief after receiving this message. It was so profound. She was absolutely right. We hold those around us responsible for the way in which they “love us” without understanding that we all love differently. I spent so much time comparing my relationship with my maternal grandma to the relationship I had with my paternal grandma. I created a foundation of what a relationship between a granddaughter and grandmother should look like based on my experience with my maternal grandma. I created an illusion which separated me from love. My ego convinced me that the love wasn’t there because the connection was different. Now that I have learned to differentiate the differences between ego, illusions and love, I understand my faults as well. My body was powered by ego and not by love.Ego is messy. I don’t want to be powered by ego any longer. I want to be powered by love. I want to see the light in others, despite our differences and their inabilities to live up to my “expectations.” 

I hope this blog post has helped you open your eyes just a bit more to love. I hope you take this as a sign to fix the relationships you have with the living and there is ample time to reconnect and heal with those who are no longer living. My grandma Amalia helped me see life differently, all the way from the other side and I cannot thank her enough for doing so. I can feel her with me as I open up my heart to you all. I know she must be incredibly proud right now and jumping for joy. I finally tied the lesson together she has been trying to teach me for about four years, all by speaking my truth and sharing this with you all.

Love is real. Love heals all. 

Polish The Soul 🤍✨

Posted in selflove

Going within for answers

I took a long well-needed break to refocus my mind and reignite my creativity. I felt I had to circle back and go within to reconnect with my purpose. Since my last post, I have delved deep into going within and connecting with God and his angels.

I found solace and comfort surrendering my concerns, aspirations and anything in between to God and angels. I grew up in a catholic home. I always believed in God and appreciated his goodness but it wasn’t until a few months ago when I quieted my mind and connected within that I realized that I didn’t have to carry all this weight. I don’t have to worry about things that are out of my control because trying to control everything around me and interfering with his divine plan keeps me from love. Meaning when we crumble to the foot of fear we are separate from love. There is nothing to fear with love. Love is reassuring and comforting. Love doesn’t make us doubt ourselves like fear. I am reminded every day that I am not alone and I have an enomous team of light guiding me. I love finding feathers on the ground or flying around. Angels make their presence known with repeative numbers and feathers. I have come to understand that due to our free will they cannot help us unless we ask them to. Understanding that small detail has allowed me to connect with the divine in a deeper context. 

I am able to hear them (celestial beings) more clearly when they speak to me. I am still learning the concept and learning to discern the voice of my ego and the voice of love. The ego’s job is to keep you in a place of fear. I often have to smack myself over the head to knock my ego out, and that is perfectly normal. As long as you are able to identify when your ego is speaking and consciously reverting those thoughts is a sign that you are on the right path. 

Connecting deeper within myself I formed a bond with my spiritual gifts. My intuition is stronger than ever. I am able to listen to my intuitive nudges. I spent a lot of time hiding behind the scenes out of fear of standing in my power and shining my light on others. I am done living in fear and allowing my ego to run my life. I am ready to live my life through the lens of love. When we decide to reignite our connection to spirit and lead through love we become closer to God. Very similar to bringing heaven on earth. 

I have reconnected with my gift of connecting with those who have passed on to the other side. I ran away from it for a very long time. I was shy and embarrassed by it but I have now come to understand that I have been blessed with this remarkable gift of delivering messages to those who have lost loved ones.

Connecting used to scare me, but I am learning how to navigate this gift. I recently learned how to purposely speak with specific spirits and deliver messages. I used to receive messages not purposely trying. I am no Long Island Medium; I am still a work in progress. The more work I do within, the more in tune I am with the other side. Being able to make this leap and openly share my trials is a validation of the progress I have made internally. 

All this time at home allowed me the time and space to connect deeper within myself and God. I wake up faithfully every morning and pray. In my prayers I affirm things that God is about to bless me with because what you ask for you shall receive. I thank God for helping me be of service to his plan for humanity. I pray to forgive others. I have learned so many beautiful things about life by reading. I have a new found love for reading and learning more about angels. 

Polish The Soul

Posted in change, faith, growth, hope, Inspire, light, passion, soul, spirituality, universe

Freeing post

It feels like eternity since I wrote my last post. I’ve been in an interesting place. I’ve been quarantined with anxiety, writer’s block, and lack of inspiration. I have been sitting wondering when I’d get rid of my funk but I had not realized that this entire time has been full of inspiring lessons. I have decided to use my truth as inspiration.

 I had always felt wise beyond my time. Like I had been here time and time again. I truly never felt in-tune with my peers as a child. I fed off solitude where I could think freely and be me freely. I hadn’t found like-minded souls, at the time I wasn’t fully aware that was what I needed. As a child, I knew I had been here many times before. None of it had felt “new.” I knew I had a big role here in this lifetime. The idea of souls caught my interest at a very young age. I am not sure actually how old I was when I began my fixation on the concept of souls. My curiosity grew much thicker as I got older. I would spend time researching past lives and souls and writing poetry. I was a natural poet from about 4th grade. What I had not known then was all the poems I had written was my soul talking on paper. I thought to search for answers meant researching. When in reality the answers have always been inside of me. I had all I needed. 

As a child, I spent a lot of my childhood scared of the shallows that lurked in the corner of my eye. I would see and feel the presence of things beyond this realm in my childhood apartment. I would always see a man wearing a top hat standing in the foyer of my home. He didn’t have much of a face. He revealed himself as a shadowy figure. I had always thought I had imagined him and quite frankly I thought I was exaggerating the fact that he was would wear his top hat every time I saw him. It had become apparent that there was more than one spirit in my home. I remember crying one day as I sorted my laundry. I kept going through the laundry but kept my eyes on the door; I could feel the presence of something watching me. I unconsciously shut the door to the other side out of fear. I stopped paying attention and went on with life. 

Until I was a freshman in college and I had recently lost a maternal cousin. I couldn’t attend his burial due to my school obligations, I had a big exam around the time of his death. A few weeks after his burial, I remember so vividly spending time with some of my family members. We had been drinking and as I realized I had reached my limit… I laid back in bed and closed my eyes; my head was spinning like a carousel. Then, an image of my cousin wearing a navy blue suit appeared in my line of sight. He was simply standing in front of a larger than life dark wooden door. He was simply standing in front of the door just looking at me. I opened my eyes in confusion and shared with my family what I had just experienced. I left out the tiny detail of the color of his suit. The memory of that sighting became a thing of the past until years later in the midst of a conversation I had asked my mom what he had been buried in out of curiosity and she said in a Navy blue suit. I couldn’t believe it; I hadn’t attended his service. I had no way of knowing what he had been wearing. He appeared to me in a navy blue suit years before. Many years have passed since that evening and I can still imagine the image of him in my head. 

Within the last four years, I had begun to experience things more frequently, seeing and hearing things beyond this realm. I normally, toss and turn through the night as a result of the chatter and feeling a presence in my bedroom. A few years ago, I woke up in the middle of the night and glanced in the direction of my bedroom door, and I witnessed the shadow of a small angelic like figure staring at me from the edge of my bedroom door. I remember the white dress and wings sticking out beside her as she looked into my room. Since that evening, I have tried to avoid looking at the entryway of my room out of fear. 

I have been spooked many nights which have caused me to jump in my mom’s bed. In my head, I feel safer sleeping with someone else on those difficult nights. One night, in particular, I had run away from my room and found refugee in my mom’s room. Just my luck… As I dozed off and had finally gotten comfortable enough to fall in a deep sleep. I heard a “shhh.” I woke up instantly, looked over at my mom, and saw that she was out cold. That night I realized it didn’t matter where I slept and with whom. Now, it’s so “normal” but still fills me with so much fear. 

A few months ago, while at work. I had been trying to channel my sister’s energy from a distance. I closed my eyes and tried to relax and imagine her. In the midst of trying to do so, the date January 2nd popped into my head. I immediately knew my sister’s friend who had passed away just a year before due to diabetic complications. I responded quickly and said his name. He said yes and as we began to talk briefly, he wanted to apologize to my sister for hurting her as she had taken his death pretty hard. I asked him if he had anything else to tell her. He replied.“window.” I replied.“window?”. He replied, “she’ll know what I mean.” I quickly grabbed my phone and texted my sister to ask what was her relation to a window and her friend. She couldn’t what he had meant. As the day had come to a close, I sat with her and we spoke our day and I shared with her my experience earlier in the day. She still hadn’t pieced together the message. A few minutes later, she storms into my room to share what he might have meant. On the anniversary of his death, she sat in front of her bedroom window and read him a letter she had written him, where she wrote I wonder if you’re ok and she had wondered if he had been there with her. In excitement, I told her that was the message, he was there. We went on with the evening and went to bed. The very next evening, My sister and I sat with our mom and told her about the message I had received. She was stunned! We ended the conversation, and my sister began to shuffle music on her phone. We often listen to 80s music and sing hopelessly. Time after Time by Cyndi Lauper, came on which is one of our favorites. I laid on my mom’s bed and began singing as usual. I normally sing the song without really paying attention. I sang “Watching through windows, you’re wondering if I am okay.” It took me a few seconds to catch that verse after singing the words. We were floored at what we had just heard. He used the song to confirm that he was there with her that night as she read the letter to him. That was such a magical moment for not only her but for myself. It was such a great feeling to have been able to share that message with her.

I don’t share with people this part of myself. I act as if it doesn’t exist. Lately, I have had the nudging feeling to finally let it out. To tell my truth. I had been avoiding it for months, out of fear of judgment. I knew deep down my spirit guides had been guiding me down this path. I still have so much work to do spiritually. In the last few months, I have read several books in hopes of helping me navigate my ability. Every day I learn more and more. This is not to say that I longer get startled when they come by at night. Last night was a pretty difficult night; I had to ask my little sister to sleep with me.

 This is me. This is my truth!

Polish The Soul