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Channeled message from my grandma

Discovering what I was capable of and trusting it was a huge task for me. I in a sense feared who I am because I couldn’t understand it. I felt honored to have been given this gift but at the same time I couldn’t shake the fear of it all. When I decided to move forward and honor my truth, I was convinced I could help others find solace as a conduit for the other side. I had not thought about the healing I would experience for myself, just by standing up and leading despite my reservations. I found healing when I was not looking for it, I developed a relationship with my grandmother whom I had not known much when she was alive.

I lost my paternal grandmother four years ago. Ironically, on the 1st of November. 111 is a highly spiritual number and is linked to our spiritual awakening journey. Reminding us to pay attention to signs that the Universe is supporting our journey. Our job is to tune in and try to decipher the signs. 111 tells us not to be afraid to follow our intuition and trust the guidance we receive.

Growing up I had not felt much of a connection to her. I lived in the states, and she lived in the Dominican Republic. There were barriers all around our relationship. As a kid I didn’t care much for learning how to speak Spanish to be able to communicate with relatives. In my lifetime I could count on my fingers the amount of times I got to see her. She didn’t talk much, and we didn’t speak much over the phone. As I got old enough to understand the differences, I felt between my paternal and maternal grandmother; I realized we didn’t have much of a connection in comparison to the connection I had with my maternal grandma. We laughed, we joked and I knew how to identify her forms of affection. I never had that pleasure with my paternal grandmother. 

When she passed I was a little confused as what to feel. I was sad, I cried at her funeral and can still hear the sounds of the hammers hammering into her casket to protect her casket from being stolen. In many cemeteries in the Dominican Republic, thieves come in and steal the caskets and remove the corpses to resell the caskets. It’s devastating to even imagine.The knocking sounds that was impeded into my memory is quite disturbing. As the months after her death began to pass, I began to notice my connection to the other side heightening again as it did years ago. At the time I didn’t correlate the connection to my grandmother at all. I was certain it was another spirit; I created a relationship with as I was deeply affected by her death as it home for me personally. I began to see white butterflies everywhere; my heart just couldn’t allow me to fathom the idea that it could have been my grandma. I figured she wouldn’t be the one making contact because we just did not have a “deep connection.” It wasn’t until about a year ago that I finally crawled out of the rock I was living under. I had an aha moment in which made me re-evaluate some of the signs I was seeing over and over again. I had begun seeing “111” and “624” more often than ever. I sat back and realized she had passed on 11/1, and I had grown up believing her birthday was 6/24. The signs were all there, I was just too blind to see them. Perhaps the pain I felt, placed a blindfold over my eyes. She passed away, and our stale connection was sealed forever, or so I thought. I believed she did not love me, because I did not feel her efforts to communicate with me which saddened me deeply. Creating some sort of void in my heart. 

As I began exploring my ability to connect with spirit, I found myself in a meditative state in which I encountered my grandmas spirit. She appeared to me as splash of yellow. As her yellow silhouette approached my minds eye, my intuition automatically made me think of her. At the time I still had trouble trusting my intuition. So, I asked for her to validate my feeling. I asked for her to hold my hand.A few minutes later, I felt tingling kind of sensation on my left hand. It did not take me a long time to realize that was the sign I had asked for. I felt so full of emotion. I began to cry in the middle of my mediation; I just couldn’t control my emotions. I don’t know how else to explain what it felt like. I just know I felt so overwhelmed with love. That was one of many encounters I shared with her which happens to be one of my favorites. 

Two months ago I learned how to channel specific spirits and receive messages from them. I had done readings for those closest to me, just to practice. I had an intuitive nudge to channel my grandma. I had no idea what to expect.I just knew something told me that I should. So I did just that. Although, I had begun to communicate with her more often and opened myself up to receive those signs from her I still had an energetic blockage separating us. Of course I did not know that, but she knew that. She took that time to give me a profound message which I wasn’t expecting. 

I opened up the mediation with the intention to receive what I needed to know for my highest good. Two months ago today, she gave me this message:

“Healing hurts and sometimes love does to unless you know how to love.Its like driving a car. You have to know how it operates. You have to know how love works. It works differently for everyone; my “car” was different. I had my own way of driving. I loved in my own way. I love you, and I am sorry for making you feel any less than that. My granddaughter, my son’s daughter… I hold you with me. Open your heart to forgive me, so you can feel me. Being on this side everything is different, I understand more.”

I felt a sense of relief after receiving this message. It was so profound. She was absolutely right. We hold those around us responsible for the way in which they “love us” without understanding that we all love differently. I spent so much time comparing my relationship with my maternal grandma to the relationship I had with my paternal grandma. I created a foundation of what a relationship between a granddaughter and grandmother should look like based on my experience with my maternal grandma. I created an illusion which separated me from love. My ego convinced me that the love wasn’t there because the connection was different. Now that I have learned to differentiate the differences between ego, illusions and love, I understand my faults as well. My body was powered by ego and not by love.Ego is messy. I don’t want to be powered by ego any longer. I want to be powered by love. I want to see the light in others, despite our differences and their inabilities to live up to my “expectations.” 

I hope this blog post has helped you open your eyes just a bit more to love. I hope you take this as a sign to fix the relationships you have with the living and there is ample time to reconnect and heal with those who are no longer living. My grandma Amalia helped me see life differently, all the way from the other side and I cannot thank her enough for doing so. I can feel her with me as I open up my heart to you all. I know she must be incredibly proud right now and jumping for joy. I finally tied the lesson together she has been trying to teach me for about four years, all by speaking my truth and sharing this with you all.

Love is real. Love heals all. 

Polish The Soul 🤍✨

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Going within for answers

I took a long well-needed break to refocus my mind and reignite my creativity. I felt I had to circle back and go within to reconnect with my purpose. Since my last post, I have delved deep into going within and connecting with God and his angels.

I found solace and comfort surrendering my concerns, aspirations and anything in between to God and angels. I grew up in a catholic home. I always believed in God and appreciated his goodness but it wasn’t until a few months ago when I quieted my mind and connected within that I realized that I didn’t have to carry all this weight. I don’t have to worry about things that are out of my control because trying to control everything around me and interfering with his divine plan keeps me from love. Meaning when we crumble to the foot of fear we are separate from love. There is nothing to fear with love. Love is reassuring and comforting. Love doesn’t make us doubt ourselves like fear. I am reminded every day that I am not alone and I have an enomous team of light guiding me. I love finding feathers on the ground or flying around. Angels make their presence known with repeative numbers and feathers. I have come to understand that due to our free will they cannot help us unless we ask them to. Understanding that small detail has allowed me to connect with the divine in a deeper context. 

I am able to hear them (celestial beings) more clearly when they speak to me. I am still learning the concept and learning to discern the voice of my ego and the voice of love. The ego’s job is to keep you in a place of fear. I often have to smack myself over the head to knock my ego out, and that is perfectly normal. As long as you are able to identify when your ego is speaking and consciously reverting those thoughts is a sign that you are on the right path. 

Connecting deeper within myself I formed a bond with my spiritual gifts. My intuition is stronger than ever. I am able to listen to my intuitive nudges. I spent a lot of time hiding behind the scenes out of fear of standing in my power and shining my light on others. I am done living in fear and allowing my ego to run my life. I am ready to live my life through the lens of love. When we decide to reignite our connection to spirit and lead through love we become closer to God. Very similar to bringing heaven on earth. 

I have reconnected with my gift of connecting with those who have passed on to the other side. I ran away from it for a very long time. I was shy and embarrassed by it but I have now come to understand that I have been blessed with this remarkable gift of delivering messages to those who have lost loved ones.

Connecting used to scare me, but I am learning how to navigate this gift. I recently learned how to purposely speak with specific spirits and deliver messages. I used to receive messages not purposely trying. I am no Long Island Medium; I am still a work in progress. The more work I do within, the more in tune I am with the other side. Being able to make this leap and openly share my trials is a validation of the progress I have made internally. 

All this time at home allowed me the time and space to connect deeper within myself and God. I wake up faithfully every morning and pray. In my prayers I affirm things that God is about to bless me with because what you ask for you shall receive. I thank God for helping me be of service to his plan for humanity. I pray to forgive others. I have learned so many beautiful things about life by reading. I have a new found love for reading and learning more about angels. 

Polish The Soul

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Freeing post

It feels like eternity since I wrote my last post. I’ve been in an interesting place. I’ve been quarantined with anxiety, writer’s block, and lack of inspiration. I have been sitting wondering when I’d get rid of my funk but I had not realized that this entire time has been full of inspiring lessons. I have decided to use my truth as inspiration.

 I had always felt wise beyond my time. Like I had been here time and time again. I truly never felt in-tune with my peers as a child. I fed off solitude where I could think freely and be me freely. I hadn’t found like-minded souls, at the time I wasn’t fully aware that was what I needed. As a child, I knew I had been here many times before. None of it had felt “new.” I knew I had a big role here in this lifetime. The idea of souls caught my interest at a very young age. I am not sure actually how old I was when I began my fixation on the concept of souls. My curiosity grew much thicker as I got older. I would spend time researching past lives and souls and writing poetry. I was a natural poet from about 4th grade. What I had not known then was all the poems I had written was my soul talking on paper. I thought to search for answers meant researching. When in reality the answers have always been inside of me. I had all I needed. 

As a child, I spent a lot of my childhood scared of the shallows that lurked in the corner of my eye. I would see and feel the presence of things beyond this realm in my childhood apartment. I would always see a man wearing a top hat standing in the foyer of my home. He didn’t have much of a face. He revealed himself as a shadowy figure. I had always thought I had imagined him and quite frankly I thought I was exaggerating the fact that he was would wear his top hat every time I saw him. It had become apparent that there was more than one spirit in my home. I remember crying one day as I sorted my laundry. I kept going through the laundry but kept my eyes on the door; I could feel the presence of something watching me. I unconsciously shut the door to the other side out of fear. I stopped paying attention and went on with life. 

Until I was a freshman in college and I had recently lost a maternal cousin. I couldn’t attend his burial due to my school obligations, I had a big exam around the time of his death. A few weeks after his burial, I remember so vividly spending time with some of my family members. We had been drinking and as I realized I had reached my limit… I laid back in bed and closed my eyes; my head was spinning like a carousel. Then, an image of my cousin wearing a navy blue suit appeared in my line of sight. He was simply standing in front of a larger than life dark wooden door. He was simply standing in front of the door just looking at me. I opened my eyes in confusion and shared with my family what I had just experienced. I left out the tiny detail of the color of his suit. The memory of that sighting became a thing of the past until years later in the midst of a conversation I had asked my mom what he had been buried in out of curiosity and she said in a Navy blue suit. I couldn’t believe it; I hadn’t attended his service. I had no way of knowing what he had been wearing. He appeared to me in a navy blue suit years before. Many years have passed since that evening and I can still imagine the image of him in my head. 

Within the last four years, I had begun to experience things more frequently, seeing and hearing things beyond this realm. I normally, toss and turn through the night as a result of the chatter and feeling a presence in my bedroom. A few years ago, I woke up in the middle of the night and glanced in the direction of my bedroom door, and I witnessed the shadow of a small angelic like figure staring at me from the edge of my bedroom door. I remember the white dress and wings sticking out beside her as she looked into my room. Since that evening, I have tried to avoid looking at the entryway of my room out of fear. 

I have been spooked many nights which have caused me to jump in my mom’s bed. In my head, I feel safer sleeping with someone else on those difficult nights. One night, in particular, I had run away from my room and found refugee in my mom’s room. Just my luck… As I dozed off and had finally gotten comfortable enough to fall in a deep sleep. I heard a “shhh.” I woke up instantly, looked over at my mom, and saw that she was out cold. That night I realized it didn’t matter where I slept and with whom. Now, it’s so “normal” but still fills me with so much fear. 

A few months ago, while at work. I had been trying to channel my sister’s energy from a distance. I closed my eyes and tried to relax and imagine her. In the midst of trying to do so, the date January 2nd popped into my head. I immediately knew my sister’s friend who had passed away just a year before due to diabetic complications. I responded quickly and said his name. He said yes and as we began to talk briefly, he wanted to apologize to my sister for hurting her as she had taken his death pretty hard. I asked him if he had anything else to tell her. He replied.“window.” I replied.“window?”. He replied, “she’ll know what I mean.” I quickly grabbed my phone and texted my sister to ask what was her relation to a window and her friend. She couldn’t what he had meant. As the day had come to a close, I sat with her and we spoke our day and I shared with her my experience earlier in the day. She still hadn’t pieced together the message. A few minutes later, she storms into my room to share what he might have meant. On the anniversary of his death, she sat in front of her bedroom window and read him a letter she had written him, where she wrote I wonder if you’re ok and she had wondered if he had been there with her. In excitement, I told her that was the message, he was there. We went on with the evening and went to bed. The very next evening, My sister and I sat with our mom and told her about the message I had received. She was stunned! We ended the conversation, and my sister began to shuffle music on her phone. We often listen to 80s music and sing hopelessly. Time after Time by Cyndi Lauper, came on which is one of our favorites. I laid on my mom’s bed and began singing as usual. I normally sing the song without really paying attention. I sang “Watching through windows, you’re wondering if I am okay.” It took me a few seconds to catch that verse after singing the words. We were floored at what we had just heard. He used the song to confirm that he was there with her that night as she read the letter to him. That was such a magical moment for not only her but for myself. It was such a great feeling to have been able to share that message with her.

I don’t share with people this part of myself. I act as if it doesn’t exist. Lately, I have had the nudging feeling to finally let it out. To tell my truth. I had been avoiding it for months, out of fear of judgment. I knew deep down my spirit guides had been guiding me down this path. I still have so much work to do spiritually. In the last few months, I have read several books in hopes of helping me navigate my ability. Every day I learn more and more. This is not to say that I longer get startled when they come by at night. Last night was a pretty difficult night; I had to ask my little sister to sleep with me.

 This is me. This is my truth!

Polish The Soul

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Adjusting your identity

I’ve been a student for about 19 years, pretty much my whole life. Now that I’ve finished my undergrad degree, I feel as though I am going through withdrawal symptoms. It’s been about a 1 1/2 year since graduation. I often feel lost without the idea of being a student. I could always find comfort in being a student because that was all I knew. I started college the summer after High School. I did not have a chance to digest what it would be like without the obligation of having to attend school. I was Sasha, the student for a very long time. Now that I have lost that part of my identity it feels strange and unfamiliar. I took a year off from school to focus and center myself before pursuing graduate school. I had a hard time deciding what my next steps would be but luckily I came to my senses.I enjoy all the free time of not having to worry about assignments and studying but I miss school so much.

I recently took a leap of faith and put my creative work to the test. I applied to several Fine Arts graduate programs. I cannot stop thinking about going back! The idea of going back to school gives me a feeling of being home. Eventually, I will have to learn how to live without the identity of being a student and adapt to another but in the meantime, I am set on going back to school and finishing up with my goal of becoming a graduate student. A part of me wonders if I am just going back to feel that sense of comfort again or if I am really going because I want to learn more. My relationship with school is very similar to that of Stockholm syndrome. The concept of school has a tendency of holding me hostage and stressing me out but I love it so much I cannot be without it, no how matter how hard it beats me down.

In this last year, I have gotten cozy with anxiety and stress. We’ve cuddled nonstop all day and night. I’ve felt defeated, angry, frustrated and even hopeless. In the midst of these emotions, I forgot to let go of the steering wheel and allow the universe to guide me freely. I was so fixed on the outcome of the situation that I forgot to be mindful of the journey. I was deaf and blind to the lessons in between the setbacks. Don’t get me wrong… I still wig out and want to pull out all my hair from the frustration but I’m slowly learning how to surrender to situations that aren’t in my control.

As a young student, I had always believed I would be a college graduate and I had always imagined continuing on to receive a graduate degree. I had always dreamt of the day that I could walk across the stage and where a fancy graduate gown. Just to think back to then, I am so proud of how far I have come. Although college degrees shouldn’t define you and still come with headaches and struggles, I am still humbled by my path. I would have never expected the struggles I would face after graduating, I thought finding my place in life would be easier. I always knew getting a “good job” straight after college would be a challenging road but I didn’t think it would take such a toll on my sanity. I currently work for the Department of Education, I was hired 6 months after graduation. Most people would say that I have a pretty good job but in my heart, I don’t feel content. I know my heart is searching for where I belong and I don’t belong here. I am grateful for the experience I have been exposed to thus far but I have a sense that my time here will be ending soon. As this chapter closes a new one will begin with many more lessons. I am ready to continue my journey elsewhere with a heart full of gratitude.

Polish The Soul xx

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Crystal Love Affair

A photo of my latest collection.

There’s no secret that I am a very spiritual woman by nature. I’ve had crystals in the past that I hadn’t done much with in the past as I had not understood the power stored within them. The first set of crystals I had purchased was on an Esty shop online. Looking back I’d say I wasn’t ready to commit to the lifestyle. Until, about last summer when I randomly found myself going in the wrong direction and I discovered a spiritual shop. I knew in my heart I had gotten lost on purpose in a sense. I walked into the shop and instantly felt at ease with the cleansing aroma in the air. I roamed around the store and looked at the different crystals they had and spiritual objects. I felt compelled to purchase a Rose Quartz bracelet. I had fallen completely in love with the bracelet, I instantly cleansed it and put it on my wrist right after receiving my receipt. What I hadn’t known at the time was that crystals choose you. While purchasing my Rose Quartz bracelet I had been memorized by this white and gray marble bracelet. I didn’t pay it much mind and I continued to pay attention to the Rose quartz because I felt I would benefit from Crystal in terms of compassion and self-love.

Several weeks later I returned to the store and roamed around again as if I had never seen the store. In complete amazement with the vibe and energy all around me. I bent down to check out some candles with crystals attached that stuck out to me on a self and sure enough the white and grey marble crystal had found its way in my path again. I scanned the shelf to read the labels on the other candles then again my eyes met the crystal. It was labeled as a calming candle. I gave in and picked up the candle that had the crystal attached to it. I read the benefits of the candle and kept it in my hand. I had no intention of putting it down. I knew that candle had been left over for me, it was the very last one of its kind on the shelf. I took that as a sign from the universe.

I had soon learned the name of the crystal ‘White Howlite’ thanks to the woman by the register helping me check out. I had walked out of the store with my candle as happy can be. Later that afternoon, I finally made it home and was eager to test out the candle. So… I prepared myself to meditate with the candlelit and the crystal in hand. I felt calm as can be as soon as I lit the candle. It was then and there that I discovered my life had just changed. I fell in love with the crystal and haven’t left it home since. It puts my mind in such a state of peace. My body felt light and airy. I returned to the store about a month later to purchase the ‘White Howlite’ bracelet I had been memorized with during my first visit. 

I often, allow myself to be consumed with anxiety. I used to get flustered very easily and since wearing White Howlite I have noticed such a difference in my behavior. The White Howlite crystal broke the mold for me about understanding how crystals could change my life. I often, visit the store sometimes just to roam around and soak up the energy. Usually, I walk out with a shopping bag because I really can’t help it. Since then I’ve purchased 4 different bracelets, about 10 different crystals from the shop alone and I also have a large cluster of Amethyst for my bedroom and a Buddha. I turned my room into a recharging center for my energy. I’ve increased my pocket collection from one to about 5. The bulge in my pocket often looks a little odd in the silhouette of my pants but it is a must. I even brought back out my old crystals that I had brought years ago that I never found a use for before.

Last week, I mediated with a handful of my crystals and I had gotten so deep into my trance I could feel the palm of my hand pulsating. I was so fascinated and had never experienced a moment like that before. It was then that I realized how POWERFUL crystals are. I had so much energy in my left hand that I could feel my left-hand pulsate. I welcomed the energy in with open arms.

Tips for introducing crystals into your lifestyle:

  1. Be open to receiving.
  2. Open your heart and mind.
  3. Cleanse them before introducing them to your energy.
  4. Cleanse them every so often.
  5. Set intentions: Tell the crystal what you what to receive.
  6. Listen to your intuition.
  7. Meditate with them.
  8. Pray with them.
  9. Speak to them.
  10. Be ready to commit to the practice!
  11. Carry them everywhere you go.
  12. Crystals should be carried on the left side of the body.
  13. You can carry them in your left pocket.
  14. Ladies: stick them in your bra on the left side. Closer to your heart the better.
  15. Too many crystals all at once can negatively affect you.
  16. Research! Never stop learning about them.
  17. Not all crystals work well together. Be cautious.

Below you will find a list of crystals I own.

  • Amethyst
  • White Howlite
  • Amazonite
  • Aragonite
  • Angelite
  • Lapis Lazuli
  • Pyrite
  • Apophyllite
  • Adventurine
  • Snowflake Obsidian
  • Selenite
  • Moonstone
  • Rose Quartz
  • Celestite

Polish The Soul xx

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Magical Woman

Being a writer is pretty tricky. I’d like to think of us as magicians. We magically turn letters to words and words to poems. We make words come to life while giving the reader some sense of emotions. Anything can trigger inspiration while on the other hand, anything can trigger writers’ block. I find when I am doing the most thinking, I can write more without even pausing to think about what to write next. It just flows like a river.

Before creating this blog, I used to post my random thoughts, quotes, and poems on Tumblr account for years but I had forgotten my password. Last night, I was finally able to sign in. As I began reading my work, I couldn’t help but feel stunned. All the lost memories and lost words flashed back as i had never left them behind.
Ironically, I had named my Tumblr account ‘Soulless in the city’. I say ironically because I’ve been obsessed with souls since before I can remember and if anyone is soulful it’s me. The concept of souls had always appealed to me. The mystery of it all captivated my curious mind. Back then during my Tumblr era, I had still been in hiding even though my content was accessible for people to read. The fact that I didn’t have many followers gave me a sense of comfort to release my rigid thoughts. At the time I had been going through a period of sadness where I then thought I had identified with the phrase soulless in the city. Looking back at the evolution of my soul growth I was far from soulless. It was so much easier for me to write freely than as my emotions were explosive. I couldn’t manage my emotions without putting them on paper. In the years that followed, I stopped writing for a very long time as I hadn’t known how to right sappy lines without feeling sappy. I had found myself in a place of peace and happiness which made it hard to write anything. I went through a drought for a few years then one day it all came back to me. I soon learned that I hadn’t lost my touch, I just needed time to channel this sense of emotion to write. Like a fire pit, just a little bit of fire to light the pit.

When I decided on the name of this blog I contemplated flipping my Tumblr name which would have been ‘Soul in the city’. I felt something was missing and I wasn’t sold on the idea. I am so glad I didn’t follow through with that name for my blog. It wouldn’t have captured the essence of what I wanted to create. Soulless was a phase I had gone through that allowed me to spill my bits of darkness. On the flip side Polish the Soul has allowed me to spill bits of light. The light I hadn’t thought much about until I began researching the universe. The girl I was then and the woman I am today, worlds apart. She slept in darkness and this woman sleeps in light. Trust me, I am a mix of light and dark but my light outweighs my darkness. I’m a magical woman!

Polish The Soul xx

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The Uninvited

Unsolicited Opinions will always find there way onto your doorstep, maybe more often than you’d like. Opinions will always just be opinions as long as you have the ability to differentiate between facts and opinions. Everyone should be heard and allowed to speak their minds to an extent. There will be people who know nothing about you that will feel the need to share their unsolicited opinions of you or accuse you of things you aren’t even guilty of. It isn’t your job to internalize their opinions of you. Especially, someone who doesn’t know you from a hole in the wall. It is a tough pill to swallow to hear it but for your sanity, you must refuse to allow it to affect you. There will be ignorant people who will speak to your abilities as if they know anything about you and the problem with people who express opinions that are inaccurate is that they believe they’re right when you know in your heart that they’re wrong. Pretending the words don’t hurt is harder than we’d hope it would. Words are just words but they hurt. The feeling will certainly pass eventually but the words will remain in the back of your mind. If you’re anything like me, you will probably overthink it.

Yesterday, I experienced first hand what it was like to receive negative feedback regarding my work. The words replayed in my head over and over and I just cannot understand it. At the end of the day, people are entitled to their opinions but as I said it isn’t our job to internalize it. People will believe what they believe but the most important thing to do is to stay true to who you are and never stop shining. SHINE! Keep shining and never let the opinions of others keep you down. You’re so much more than that. Let the negativity roll off your shoulders and keep working hard. Be strong enough to fight the urge to break down and fall apart.

Polish The Soul xx

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Posted in Inspire, passion, soul, spirituality, universe

Blind Journey

I have become more of myself than I have ever been before. While trying to conceal my deepest desire to be a writer, I thought I could still be true to myself and take on another journey that didn’t involve writing as my profession. The reason I hid this piece of my life was simply that I didn’t want to release the emotional version of myself. I always believed I had to differentiate from ‘me’ and my emotions. I never wanted people to know how passionate and emotional I am. As if it were a defect. In these last few months, I have changed so much and evolved. I’ve learned to let go of the invisible steering wheel in my life little by little. As some like to say “Jesus, take the wheel!” It hasn’t been an easy road to follow but the more I discover things about life and love, the more I feel connected with myself on a spiritual level. I’ve even decided to detach myself from outcomes. I am winging it through life from here on out because I know GOD has me. I finally submitted my grad school application for Creative Writing programs. I have no idea what I’ll do once I finish my degree. I just know I’ve been called to follow this hunch. My soul feels at peace with this decision I have made. I am positive I will encounter life-changing people/situations while working on my MFA. I am open to refining my craft and learning more about the field.

My journey has been scripted since before my birth. No matter where I end up, I know I will be going in the direction I was intended to go on. My heart fills calm and light as I embark on this new professional venture. Yes, I feel a tiny bit anxious but that is ok. I am willing to give it to God to hold on to for me. I hope he has a huge reusable shopping bag to hold all my fears. I feel like a basketball player just tossing up my fears like a basketball. God is certainly a great catcher! Allow God to catch your fears and empty your shopping bag of burdens. If you don’t identify with God, that is ok. Just adjust to whom you identify with. Just know there is a higher power guiding you through your fears and bringing you to light.

Polish The Soul xx

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Posted in light, love, soul, spirituality, universe

Soul Deep Connections

These relationships are my favorite, not just romantically but relationships in general. I have crossed paths with a few souls in this lifetime who I know in my heart I share a soul connection with. These connections are special and explainable. The love shared in these connections go beyond the common “I love you!” These connections are deep in the roots of our beings. These souls understand you and you can feel their essence within yours as if we were connected at the soul.

Maternal relationship

The connection I share with my mom is extraordinary. Very much far from ordinary. We’re so In tune with one another’s feelings and emotions. I often feel the sensation that she needs a hug.  99% of the time my intuition is spot on. When she’s sad, I can literally feel her emotions on me like a shirt on my back. I sense when she’s having nightmares and wake up her up from them. Often times I am one step ahead of her in a spiritual sense. My mom has somewhat of an exciting career which often sends my intuition through the roof. She’s a police officer. Many times I had woken up in the middle of the night to check on her when she used to work overnight tours. I would wake up randomly and pick up the phone to call her immediately because I knew deep down something was going on or about to happen. Usually, my calls were are warning calls. Thank goodness! Our souls are connected through lifetimes. I often think to myself that we may have been twins in another lifetime or perhaps our roles were reversed and I was her mother in another lifetime. Some may call it mother’s intuition, I call mine daughter’s intuition.

Romantic relationship

This may sound naive but I promise you this isn’t one of those stories. My desire is to bring this topic to the table and dissect my experiences.

The moment I met my boyfriend I felt we had already met one another. It was a strange but calming feeling.  I had never experienced a moment of that nature prior to our meeting. It was as if my soul was recognizing his. I had seen his photos and a part of me felt as though his face was so familiar to me. I couldn’t pin point why, until months after dating. I began to understand the connection was profound. We’re so different but the same person in a sense, as if we share the same soul. I had always imagined the ‘man of my dreams’ a certain way, even down to the soft romantic music in his music library. Ironically, the man I had created in my imagination is spot on to him. I stopped believing in coincidences after I began to understand the idea of synchronicity. The working definition of synchronicity: The simultaneous occurrence of events which appear significantly related but have no discernible causal connection. In other words, the universe speaks to us through synchronicity. I am convinced the ‘man of my dreams’ was someone I had already known for some time from another lifetime. Cause’ how else could I have created a man from thin air and actually find that this man exists?! Every single trait! What if I was just remembering him from another time? Again, this isn’t some fairy tale love story. I am trying to unravel the idea of soul connections and how I have perceived them in my life.

I recently read an article regarding the idea of soul families which made much sense. Those undeniable connections that you share with others may be linked to your soul family. I have met a few others but these two are the most profound of them all. There is a little girl in my life who I sense has an extraordinarily old soul. My intuition tells me as she grows older our souls will collide into one another. I can already see the signs of her immensely whole soul. I can feel my soul remembering hers.

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Posted in change, hope, passion, selflove

Responsibility

As some may know I work in a public High School in NYC. While preparing for this week’s college awareness week, I had an interesting conversation with a coworker last Friday. We were asked to place signs that indicates the college we attended and majors by our doors. I happened to notice one coworker had majored in writing. As a writer I was instantly intrigued. I asked her what type of writing she had studied. She said “creative writing”. I began to pick her brain and ask her how she liked the program and proceed to express my interest in going back to school for a MFA in creative writing.

The next thing out of her mouth was “oh, you’re writer?”

I responded ‘Yes!”

She responds “Like CUNY?”

I said “Yes!”

She responds “I heard it’s hard to get into those programs. You have to be very accomplished to get in.”

After, saying those words she proceeded to repeat “It’s hard to get in.” several times. The last time she repeated those words, I responded “well we’ll see what happens.” I was so proud of my ability to stay calm and not feed into her negativity. Apart of me couldn’t believe she would even have the audacity to insinuate I don’t have what it takes to get into a program of that nature. In all honesty, she has no idea who I am or what I am capable of. Not to mention the skill I possess.

This conversation sparked a blog post because I realized how much I have changed. The old me would have probably dwelled on what she said to me. I reacted completely opposite than what I thought. I took it as a learning moment. More of a test… The test was being able to control what I internalize. In that moment I refused to internalize what she thought of me. I have learned that how people see you is completely out of your hands and not your responsibility. I am only responsible for how I decide to perceive the information. I chose to make it a learning moment for myself.

Humans have this silly habit of allowing outside sources to determine whether or not we can do something which makes absolutely no sense. How can we allow someone else to get into our heads and say we aren’t capable of what we know we are capable of? It just makes no sense. I more than anyone in this world knows what I am capable of. We come out into the world constantly looking for validation in different forms. All in all you are free to validate yourself. You don’t need someone to label you as talented to consider yourself talented.

You’re perfect, talented and whole! Keep shining!

Polish the Soul xx

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Love is enough

Many of us have the misconception that  ‘love’ is some conditional agreement shared among people. We are conditioned to believe that love comes with limitations and caution signs. *Omg! Take out the pitch forks he’s trying to love me!* One thing is for certain, love shouldn’t be conditional. 

I once believed ‘love wasn’t enough.’ I had the understanding that love sometimes isn’t enough. Love isn’t enough to convince someone to stick around and love you. That was a pretty cynical way in which to live. 

I soon learned I was looking through the stain glass window from an obscure view. Love is enough! Love is enough to heal you from wounds you won’t speak about. The most powerful love on this planet is the love in which you share with yourself. You have the power to love yourself back together. 

 Love was created to mend all the wrong in the world. We have the power to heal others with the touch of our hands. It’s time for you step into your power and heal.

Love is Raw, Forgiving, Unconditional, Kind and Patient.

Love never fails…

Polish The Soul xx

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Behind ‘Polish The Soul’ & what it means to me…

The week I had finally decided to take a leap of faith and create my blog, I was stuck trying to create a catchy blog name. The hardest part of it all was trying to channel a purposeful name. For two days I battled with this. I asked my close friends and loved ones for their opinions on a variety of names. I knew deep in my heart the name needed to include the word ‘soul’. I tried tons of different ways to make it sound appealing. One night I had given up and decided to give it a break. I went on with the evening and eventually fell asleep. I cannot remember my dream from that night in detail. All I remember was the thought that popped into my head regarding the words ‘soul polish’. I woke up out my sleep to write it down which I never do. I instantly fell back to sleep. When I woke up the next morning, I had a faint memory of night prior. I quickly grabbed my phone and looked at my notepad where I had written the phrase from my dream. I played with the phrase in my head for a few minutes until I realized it’s potential. I debated and with careful consideration I decided to flip the phrase and add ‘the’. I hadn’t felt so sure about a name until then.

I am still soaking up the name ‘Polish The Soul’. My initial thoughts were the process of polishing something that needed some polishing. It wasn’t till recently that I realized the depth in the name. Polish The Soul is more than just a blog, it’s a lifestyle. Polishing the soul is an art. The art of renovating ones soul to it’s true self.

I do not believe I chose the name of my blog. I believe the name chose me. I feel so blessed that I was chosen to live out ‘Polish The Soul’ with purpose. Everyday that I get closer to understanding the wonders of the universe, the closer I get to my purpose. I am walking into my purpose. 💛✨🌻🌝

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Forgiveness

Often, I take conversations I have had with people in my life or advice I have given and include what has resonated with me on my blog posts. This post isn’t as different. Surprise! Lol.

Last night, I spent a good deal of my evening after getting home from work speaking with my mom about life and perspective. The topic of forgiveness was mentioned and it sparked something in my head. These last few months the topic of forgiveness has come up several times and I have been pondering the idea of forgiveness. I have spoken to God and have asked him “How do I forgive?” At the time I hadn’t realized the depth of forgiveness until last night.

The reason many don’t forgive is because we aren’t conditioned to forgive. I honestly, don’t believe I know how to really forgive. How to let go of emotional damage that has caused me to harbor feeling towards a situation/person. At what point have we really learned how to forgive people and situations? Apologizing to someone is one thing but actually forgiving the person is a completely different issue. We were conditioned to love but weren’t conditioned to forgive one another. Love is something that we are just born knowing how to do in most cases. Babies are born with an attachment to their mother and adapt to their environment in some cases that environment is love. So… If we are conditioned to love from birth, how are we incapable to forgive through love? Love is the answer to many of our problems. It makes the world go round and it makes us whole. To be loved and give love is something out of this world.

Many have ‘demons’ they battle on a daily and oddly enough, love has this way of depowering the negativity in our lives. Forgiveness is often a tough and gigantic pill to swallow but it must be done eventually. Resentment grows like a tumor in the body. An emotion as powerful as resentment is hazardous and debilitating. We are all chess pieces in this game called ‘life’. Our lives have already been scripted by God. Although our actions are often shameful, painful and despicable we were designed to play specific roles in each other’s lives. We may not agree with the roles others play in our life but we must accept and choose. Choose to resent them or forgive them. The thing about forgiveness is… it doesn’t mean that what was done to you is acceptable. Forgiveness is more of an internal thing. I like to think of it as a ‘selfish’ decision. The selfish decision to release yourself of that resentment you harbor. It is beneficial for your soul’s sanity to let certain things go.

I began this blog post still a bit confused on how to forgive. I somehow managed to figure some of it out writing this. Ironically. Forgiveness is a process and it is something we aren’t born knowing how to do. It takes much discovery to figure this out. It takes soul searching and empathizing with humanity to understand the bigger picture. There is a bigger picture to everything we experience. As I said, we are playing the roles we were destined to play. Our actions are bigger than our beings. We cannot always explain why we do the things we do. Some of us don’t deserve to be forgiven for the things we have done but we must forgive, we deserve inner peace. Take this as a token of forgiveness. This is the start to the journey of unlearning. A part of me still seeks wisdom in regards to genuinely forgiving and letting go. What is forgiven is not forgotten….

Polish The Soul xx

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The voice behind the writer

“I am learning to be okay with being vulnerable.” -Polish the soul

Being a writer isn’t always the easiest thing to do but there is something so special about being able to produce art in written form. Everyday is a struggle in regards to unleashing the imaginary cloak I’ve placed over myself. A civil war is brewing within me, between who I am and who I want to be. Who I am often outwits who I want to be. Fear vs. fearlessness… Who I would like to be is someone fearless, a risk taker, bold, full of faith and purposeful.

When it comes to speaking the words don’t come out as natural. I often struggle to get my words together to say what I mean aloud. I certainly write about it easier than 1-2-3. The words usually form a puddle in my head until I have a chance to write them down. As expected the words in this audio video had been sitting in my head and for some odd reason, something told me to speak. I’d like to think the idea was planted in my mind from something far superior than human kind. Once I began to speak, all the words began to just flow effortlessly and naturally. I sat in front of my phone for 6 whole minutes and let all my scattered thoughts free. This was my first time recording a blog post rather than simply just typing away. I look forward to creating more audible content on http://www.Polishthesoul.net. Follow my journey on my blog. Thanks for listening. 💛🌻⚡️

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‘Good’ People

I always thought my biggest fear was losing loved ones, the dark and/or being vulnerable. It turns out I was wrong. Of course losing loved ones is still high on my list but what truly scares me is not being a ‘good’ person. A few months back, I was listening to Oprah’s Super Soul Conversations and I listened to Elizabeth Gilbert’s interview as she spoke about life and death. I found her interview very satisfying to listen to. Oprah asked “What is your biggest fear?” Elizabeth replied “not being a good person”. I instantly felt her words. I felt them in such a deep way I cannot explain, I instantly nodded my head in agreement. My biggest fear in life is not being a ‘good’ person. All we leave behind in life are memories, not our purse collection nor our Rolex watches. We get buried with the memories and all we leave our loved ones are the tears, pain and the memories… The good and bad ones. I fear not measuring up to being good to others and myself.

Yesterday, I celebrated my twenty fifth birthday. It was a day filled with great emotion and gratitude. I received so many beautiful messages from loved ones. A part of me, couldn’t understand what I ever did to deserve such beautiful messages. I was told “you’re special”, “you’re a beautiful soul”, “The world needs more people like you.” and a close friend wrote “If everyone in this world got to be around you for 10 minutes they would have a better life.” The words were just too beautiful. They touched me in such a way I can’t put into words. As the messages continued to come in, I couldn’t help but ask myself “Are you really this person?” Honestly, I know that I am not a bad person but I really never realized how my presence has affected those around me. I keep asking myself “what makes a person ‘good’?” I know it is in their actions, behavior and intentions but it must go beyond that. I sometimes do nice things for others, I am thoughtful, emotional and extremely empathetic. Does that make me a ‘good’ person?

My heart breaks a little every time I see strangers with broken shoes. It breaks my heart to see someone hurting someone else’s feelings. It breaks my heart to see people cry in agony but I never know how to approach the situation. I tense up and overthink what to say to make them feel better. I work in a public High School and anyone who has worked in a school knows how it can tug on your heart strings. I hear so many sad stories that break my heart. One girl in particular has grown on me although she doesn’t talk, she’s been through a tough time and hasn’t been eating much lately. She refused to eat the school’s food. I had two sandwiches I had made for myself for lunch and I offered her one of them. She ate the sandwich from edge to edge, watching her eat the sandwich made me secretly happy. I woke up the next morning and made one sandwich for me and one for her. I chased her down during lunch just to give it to her along with fruit snacks. Although she didn’t speak, I saw a smile on her face. I woke up the following day and made one for each of us again. I chased her down again and brought her to my office. I gave her the sandwich and she looked up at me and smiled and said “thank you.” As I said before, she doesn’t talk and much less to staff members but I got her to speak on two occasions which filled my heart. Does that make me a good person? We often do thoughtful gestures for others and we subconsciously hope to feel ‘good’ after. We long for that feeling of warmth. Are we ‘bad’ for doing so? Are we ‘bad’ for expecting a rush of warmth to flush through our bodies as we do a good deed?

Last night, this really hit in a place where it hurt so much to think about. I sat up in my bed and thought about it for a long time. Am I a good person? What makes a person good? Is it determined by how others see you or is it how you see yourself?

Polish the Soul xx

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I grabbed my fears by the balls @InspiredwordNYC!

The poem I shared on 10/21/19

On October 21st I looked my fears in the face and shoved it away. My fear of being seen, being the center of attention and being vulnerable. Ironically, I had been given the gift to heal with words but I hadn’t had the courage to heal myself. I secretly fear being heard because I lacked courage at times because I struggle to get my words out verbally. It isn’t because I have nothing to say. I have plenty to say on paper than those of which slip through my lips. I could write you a master piece within seconds and take an hour to unpack my mind verbally.

I’m a writer who fears being seen, heard and vulnerable. I am a writer who fears being seen, heard and vulnerable. I am a writer who wants to be seen, heard and vulnerable. I AM A WRITER WHO WANTS TO BE SEEN, HEARD AND VULNERABLE. I am ready to do something about it.

I am so scared to death of public speaking. Last night I walked on to a small stage in the back room of a bar. When I initially walked into the room, I was so happy to see that it was small and intimate. I had feared performing in front of a large audience. I remember thanking God for the small space. I sat alone for sometime until my family joined me. Mike, the director announced that I was coming on next. My nerves began to betray me. I realized I should have mediated prior to my performance because I was honestly freaking out. I repeated calming mantra’s in my head and held on to my white howlite crystal which is said to a calming stone. I walked up on stage and adjusted the mic, introduced myself to the crowd. I began reading my poem, my hands were shaking and voice was shaky. I sailed through the poem faster than I should have because I had designed the poem to be slow and thought provoking. Nonetheless, somewhere in between I blanked out. I could not remember if I had read certain parts of it. When I finished my poem I hugged my friend Katherine who was sitting right and center. I began to feel so many emotions. My eyes began to water a bit but I held back whirlwind of emotions. As I continued to hug Katherine, faintly in the background I heard my mom’s voice. I hugged her immediately after. To hear the loud applause was some sort of validation, I hadn’t realized I needed. While performing I heard the audiences reactions to my words. It was incredibly moving and freeing to release it. To release the gift I had kept contained all my life.

I shared the stage with three of my friends that I met at The Momentum Education Basic Workshop (as mentioned a few blog posts before). It was such an amazing experience to experience that moment with them as we’ve shared far more intimate moments with one another, made the entire much more intimate. Last night was magical! We supported one another, we clapped and we hugged. Just last month I was shared my biggest fear and desire with a room full of people I hadn’t known prior. I was so afraid of being a writing and it is also my biggest desire in this world. In just a month I have made so much headway. I have my new life long friends from Momentum to thank as they were my inspiration to get on the stage. I went from being this shy and voiceless woman to a poet with a voice. I used my voice. I was seen. I was vulnerable and I was heard. Last nights performance has brought so much clarity. I am clear that I am destined for greatness and I must continue pursuing my life purpose to change the lives of others with my words. I have the key to freedom.

When I signed up to initially perform, the subtotal for my performers ticket was $14.44. I took it as a clear sign from the universe. I couldn’t believe my eyes. In that moment I knew I had no choice, I had to participate. Thank you universe for showing up when I hadn’t known I needed it. I knew in my heart the universe had my back and I was being guided.

Lastly, I was so blessed to be able to share that moment with my family. Support can go a long way when you have people cheering you on from every angle. Everything is better when love is involved.

Polish The Soul xx

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Sasha 2.0

For as long as I have known myself in this body, in this lifetime. I have been afraid to be seen. I created a world where I could blend in to avoid attention. I have single-handedly perfected this talent. After years of hiding in the limelight, I realized I didn’t want to live this way anymore. As if a mirror had magically been placed in front of me. I was forced to look through the mirror and see myself for who I really am. The woman I saw staring back at me was someone who had a lot to say, a woman who wished to be seen and heard. A woman on a stage taking control. There is a distinction between ‘who you are’ and ‘who you think you are’. I had dug so deep in hiding that I hadn’t noticed the cocoon I had created around me. There have been many occasions where I have felt invisible but failed to realize that I caused the feeling of invisibility because I wanted to blend in. You can think of me as a Lizard, camouflaging in every environment.

In school I always found comfort sitting in the back of the room in a corner. I hate sitting in the middle of a room where everyone can see me. I over think during social events. I prepare myself mentally for social outings. I often, wonder how I will survive my wedding. Traditionally, the bride is the center of attention. I don’t know how to comfortably be the center of attention.

My Truth: I squirm with discomfort when I am stared at. I dislike being the center of attention.

My NAKED Truth: My mind goes on overdrive when I am in sight. I begin to think if the person is actually looking at ‘Sasha’ the spiritual being or are they pinpointing my flaws. That has all to do with me and less do with others. I have taken responsibility for this behavior. I acknowledge my thoughts and have decided to choose again. I choose love.  My alternate world has begun to implode, as I now know I have the biggest desire to be seen. I want the world to see me and hear the words I have to say. My journey is just beginning. I am willing to be seen!

Polish the Soul xx

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Posted in hope, Inspire, light, love, selflove

Who have you not said “I love you” to?

It took talking to my 4 year old niece for me to dissect the phrase “I love you”. She’s the smartest little girl I know. No, I am not bias. LOL! I wrote this poem for my family as a simple reminder that I love them. Don’t forget to say “I love you!”

Do you know how it feels to be loved? It is the best feeling there is in this world. There’s this little girl I know, that constantly reminds me. I’ve learned many things about life from her and she doesn’t have the slightest idea. She makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside. If that’s what it feels like to have children of my own, I cannot wait to feel that feeling for the rest of my life.

Text the people you love. Say sorry. Hug them. Love them. Hold them. Pray for them. 💛💛💛💛

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Body image, my body, your image..

Yes, it’s my body and your image is not my body image. Body shammers need to wrap that around their heads. I’ll repeat it again. What you see in my body is your perception, your image of my body. It is my body and what you see is not my reality. If you constantly hear the same negative things, it’ll get to a point where it hurts so much. As woman we are constantly hearing comments about our bodies positive and negative. Sometimes you just want to mush someone’s face in a wall because they seem not to know how to speak accordingly.

For those of you who have never met and do not know me, I am an extremely petite woman. Hence my Instagram handle, petite brunette. I have always been. I have been tiny since birth. As I grew into my body from elementary school and up, I began to grow a complex on my very small frame. I constantly heard people tell me how skinny I was. Everything I have ever heard about my body by others:

  • “Did you eat?”
  • “Are you hungry?”
  • “You look like you need a burger!”
  • “Why are you so skinny?”
  • “You don’t eat a lot right?”
  • “That’s why you are so skinny, you don’t eat.”
  • “That’s all you’re going to eat.”
  • “Why are you working out? You don’t need to.”
  • “You can’t afford to lose any weight.”
  • “You anorexic b**ch!”

No! I am not anorexic. I certainly don’t starve myself. In fact, I eat multiple times a day. I don’t calorie count. I eat whatever I want when I want. I don’t restrict myself when it comes to eating. How should a person feel hearing things like that? I never understood why my body affects others. I am just naturally thin with a flat athletic looking stomach which I inherited from my parents. My mom is thick and short in contrast my dad is tall and thin. I am a mixture of the both of them. Growing up I had the hardest time trying to understand why I hadn’t inherited my mom’s curvy body type. Just imagine a traditional body type for a Latin woman. Exactly… Chances are you imagined a thick curvy goddess. That was hard to internalize. I often thought I didn’t embody a Latina because I am not as curvy. Don’t get me wrong, I do have curves but my curves go with my small frame. No, I don’t have hips that lie like Shakira but I have a little something something. 

Let’s not even get into my experience shopping for clothes. I am not sure why retailers carry a limited supply of petite sizes in store. Whenever I ask for more the sales associate says “You can try online.” Why are our choices so limited? Petite woman actually exist in real life. I have a terrible time at certain stores when trying on jeans. Some retailers have jeans that are oversized. In some places a size 1 is huge and while in others a size 1 is perfect. I tend to stick to H&M, Zara and Gap for jeans because they flatter my body. The jeans in those stores actually run small which I enjoy. When shopping for going out body-con dresses, I second guess if I should purchase because the model pictured is ‘thick’. I often worry if the dress will fit how I want it to fit. I typically shop online to find smaller sizes than going to a store and being disappointed. I also hate going into fitting rooms and trying clothes on that weren’t designed for my body type. It is often annoying to waste time trying on clothes.

Middle school was tough for me, my closest friends and peers were always ‘thicker’ than me and were fully developed from the back and front. I was always the friend with the small boobs and the small booty. During that age I watched boys make passes at the girls that were fully developed. As I got older I realized middle school boys are pretty shallow. They always chose the girls who had the biggest boobs and booty. I got used to just blending in and not being noticed by my peers. In high school, I grew to become extremely irritated by skinny comments. I began correcting the ignorance. “I am petite not skinny. I am thin and short, that makes me petite. This one boy said “you’re so skinny.” I replied “if you wouldn’t tell an overweight person that they’re so fat then don’t say that to me. That’s rude.” He had nothing else to say. Just because you’re changing the word fat for skinny doesn’t make a difference. It is still rude and it is none of your business whether I’m skin and bones or skin and rolls. As an adult I have become so much more comfortable with my size. It doesn’t matter how big or small a woman may be we can still to be self-conscious about our bodies. Some woman believe thinner woman shouldn’t have any because they’re thin. Just because we’re thin doesn’t exempt us from being self-conscious. 

Honestly, I am just waiting for petite woman to come back into style. I recently, gained a few pounds and I am elated. I had tried for years but was unsuccessful. A lot my jeans from high school that I saved fit like a glove now. You don’t know how amazing that feels. I am open to gaining a few more pounds but wouldn’t want to completely lose my small frame. After years of dreading it, I love it now. I am great at hide and seek, I fit anywhere. 

What’s your body type? How have you been shammed?

Polish The Soul

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Momentum Workshop

Two weeks ago I spent the weekend at an empowerment workshop  in a room full of about 50 strangers. By the end of the weekend we became a family connected through our pain and fears. We laid all our failures, let downs and insecurities to rest as we each shared something hidden within us. We laughed and weeped together. We discovered things we hadn’t known prior to our meeting. In the midst of the weekend after participating in several excercises I had realized I no longer want to be this reserved shy woman that I am. I want to be heard and I want to be seen! I honesty had not realized how terrified I was of being vulnerable which as a result of my fear I ran away from the idea of being a writer. I had not come to that conclusion until Sunday morning. As shy as I am I stood up in the front of the room and outed myself. I allowed myself to be vulnerable in a room full of strangers who had become like a family to me. I cried while blurting out how afraid I am to persue a career as a writer. It felt so good to stand there in front of everyone crying. It was such a release. At that moment I understood that it is ok to be vulnerable. I continue to remind myself that everyday. It truly is ok to be vulnerable.

In order, to truly create content others can relate to and heal from I must write from a place of truth. There is no way I could possibly expect to change the world with my words if I constantly hold back but I really feel. I am an extremely guarded and emotional person. I often try and hide my emotions as if It is something negative. My secret is that I dont want others to know how emotional I am but that ends here.

After, Sunday morning of the workshop I came to the conclusion that my voice needed to be heard. Buttafly Soul the faciliator, looked me in the eyes as I shared my desire to become a writer to my peers and he told me I was ready and the world needed my words. It was almost as if I had been waiting all this time just to hear him say “You’re ready!” He looked me straight in the eyes with a sense of knowing. He could clearly see something in me that I hadn’t had the courage to see before this encounter. He somehow saw me as the person I hide from the world. The emotional woman that “feels too much”. My path was made clear.

Two weeks later…. I am so happy to announce I finally found the courage to commit to this blog and make my site official. My blog is no longer just a blog it is a site with my own domain. I feel in my heart my time is now.

Welcome to http://www.Polishthesoul.net!

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Listen for the voice

In life we spend most of our time doing what we don’t want to do. Like going to work five days a week, going to funerals or even going on terrible dates. Truth is we don’t really spend our time doing what we truly enjoy. That is the saddest reality. What are the things that make your soul happy?

I know I am no pudding cup either. I do things all the time that I don’t enjoy. I wake up every weekday at 5am for a “career” that isn’t mine. Meaning…. this isn’t my bus stop. I’m waiting for the next express bus to my dreams. The benefits are great but what do I gain besides the benefits and the good pay? I don’t feel like I am doing something meaningful. I want to do something that sets my soul on fire. We are hardwired to find good paying jobs with security. Why…? Why do we subject ourselves to such things? Many of us have hidden talents that we place on a dusty book shelf in the back of our minds. What I’m trying to say is… Dust that f*@king book off and show the world what you got. We weren’t given these gifts to share them with ourselves only. For us to keep these gifts under wraps would be selfish. For those of you who believe in a higher power, why would God place these gifts in your hands to do nothing with? How do you think these professional athletes rise to stardom? They make themselves aware of their gifts and execute a plan to do something with it. I know it’s easier said than done but know the only difference between them and you is faith. Faith can take you a long way. Have faith in your abilities, have the faith to believe you can make it to where you desire.

I’m learning as we speak how to care for my soul also. I have spent these last few years trying to figure out what career path to choose. I changed my major way too many times which would make sense why it took me two years longer to finally finish. At times I felt defeated because I didn’t know what I wanted to do next. I felt ridiculous not knowing what to do because if I didn’t know who would?! Deep down I always wanted to be a writer since I was a kid. I loved writing poetry. I remember creating a children’s book for my baby sister. Imagine a 6th grader writing a children’s book. I never paid much attention to those intricate details. It was almost as if I suppressed my abilities. It wasn’t till I finished my undergrad program that I began frantically thinking of all the possibilities. I thought I wanted to be a occupational therapist, speech therapist, psychologist, psychiatrist, nurse and even a teacher. Little by little I realized I had to pass on them all because I had a feeling of uncertainty. I knew in my heart those careers weren’t mine. I spent many months feeling stressed and full of anxiety. It wasn’t till I began praying to find my purpose and started reading self help books that I realized my true place in this world. I was made to be a writer. Every single cell in my body was put together to create a writer. You guys are probably wondering why it took me so long to cut to the chase. The reason why I didn’t cut to the chase was because I wanted you guys to understand my struggle. I wanted you guys to feel my struggle. This may not resonate with everyone but I want those of you reading to think about your decisions in life. I want you all to realize what I recently realized myself. Some of you are probably saying in your heads “It’s too late for me. My ship has sailed.” but hunny this is only the beginning. Think of it like this… Your life has suddenly reset. The clock was just reset. Start life over and start doing sh*t that floats your boat.

Young parents who have suddenly found their nests empty and never had the chance to explore? Go explore the world. Try new things. It’s your time.

Childless woman who never found the “perfect” man to conceive with? Time is on your side. Look into adoption. Look into a donor.

Wall Street exec running from his passion to be an artist? Go f*#king paint something man. Ignore every single soul who told you “you can’t be an artist.”

Screw everyone who ever told you that you couldn’t do something. Do what you have to do to feed your soul.

-Polish the soul

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Learning

I have a thing for clouds. I find them to be aesthetically pleasing. ☁️✈️

The coolest thing about being in your twenties is getting the chance to explore. Explore places, people and things… I hadn’t realized the true pleasure of just simply exploring until recently. Doing things that make you feel good is also important. I have learned from listening to motivational speakers that learning how to be selfish is key. I don’t mean selfish it in a negative connotation. I simply mean knowing when to make decisions that are BEST FOR YOU. Knowing when to leave things or people alone. Knowing when it’s time start something new. Knowing when you should pace yourself. Knowing when you need more of something. Just knowing when to simply do something.

I have just made a selfish decision to only do things that make me happy. I will not allow myself to feel guilty for moving on from things that are no longer suitable for me. I will do things that make me want to do it again from pure happiness. Finding things that make sense to my soul.

I will write about my journey and share it with anyone who finds themselves in a similar path. What selfish things do you need to do?

-Polish the soul

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Soul peace

Sometimes I wonder what did I do to deserve a love as beautiful as this one and then I circle back and answer my own mystery. If I could be modest enough to ask what did I do to deserve something so beautiful, warm and angelic than I am worthy of something as special as you.

You make me feel like I’m home even if I’m not home but that’s what you are for my soul. A home… Love is so complex. Too complex to explain but all I can say is when I think of you… you provoke so much emotion within me. I shed a few tears writing this just thinking soul deep about you.

I don’t understand all the mysteries of the universe and I don’t have no idea how I was sent someone identical to my imagination. I always imagined finding someone like you. I just never knew what your face would look like until the day we met in April but your soul….. I have always known. Your soul was a mystery to me until you began to unravel and unveil your wings.

I found a safe haven in you.

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Letter to myself

I was scrolling through Pinterest as per usual and stumbled across 15 ways to promote self love. The first suggestion was to write myself a letter. I instantly smiled and thought to myself how come I never thought to do so before. The letter reads:

Dear the love of my (WHOLE) life,

Yes, Sasha you are the love of my life. What I meant by “whole” was simply this…. We are stuck together for the rest of our life. Our mind, body and soul. Who better to love and fall in love with on a daily than you Sasha. I think you’re one of a kind and not because the recipient of this letter is me. I honestly feel like you’re a sunflower in a field of roses. I have always felt like im in my own lane. I find myself to be very different from others and I have grown to love that simple detail about myself. We’ve (i’ve) always loved blending into crowds to avoid the limelight but somehow Sasha I think you have gotten too used to making that a thing.  We created a bubble between us and the world. Sometimes I feel invisible but that is “our” fault. We’ve (i’ve) made it where we could skate through life barely being noticed. Hiding from small talk and anything else that might cause some discomfort. Someone said speaking about your Anxiety kills the stigma. Sometimes… more times than none I stay home to avoid the feelings of be anxious. Like places young people like myself go. Bars, clubs or lounges give me so much anxiety. The multitude of people makes me uneasy. I begin to over think and wonder about everything. I over think when it comes to where to put my hands. How to sit. Are they watching me eat?! Oh gosh no!

I know the way to practice self love is showing yourself love but sometimes you have to see your truth then love yourself based on your truths. You know the world deserves to feel your presence girl. You’re a force to be reckoned with. Stop being so shy and go out and “be”. Be in the moment Sasha.  Just be. Live life fearlessly.

I love the place my soul calls home. You’re beautiful Sasha. You’re brilliant. You’re amazing. You’re far from ordinary. You’re witty. You’re thoughtful. You’re sweet. You’re compassionate. You’re beautiful inside and out. The saddest part of all of this is sometimes you forget. Sometimes you don’t feel beautiful. Sometimes you don’t feel smart. Sometimes you don’t feel amazing. That is also part of being human. Stop being so tough on yourself Sasha. You’re only a human. Give yourself a break and give yourself the credit you deserve. Keep loving yourself and remember to be humble.

-Love,

Your one & only…Sasha

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Where do I go from here?

I recently graduated from college and found myself feeling incredibly “lost”! Listen folks…. I know it’s normal and it happens to us all somewhere in life but no one never really told me how hard it would be. How defeated I would feel. The level of anxiety and stress I feel just thinking about committing myself to one career path is incredible. Not to mention I am a super indecisive person. I always think about the “what if’s”. My biggest fear is waking up one morning and finding myself discontent with my career choice. Throughout my study as a undergrad I spent just as much time changing majors. I am extremely imaginative when it comes to picturing myself in the future. I have imagined myself in a hundred different career paths. I can’t be the only human who can’t seem to commit to a career. I don’t even think I know what I am passionate about anymore, I thought I knew prior to graduating. After graduating, I honestly know anything anymore. I thought finally finishing school would be so much easier but it has been the complete opposite.

Several factors have contributed to my frustrations. The largest is just simply not knowing what to focus on. The second is knowing I’d like to return to school and work towards a masters but I don’t even know what programs to look at because I’M CLUELESS. I would blame the third reason on my level of maturity for my age. I have always been wise beyond my years. I think my problem is I get caught up in my own head thinking I am older than I really am. Sometimes I really do forget how old I am.. I can admit to myself I am pretty hard on myself and I set the bar pretty high. I feel well into my adulthood when in actuality I’m only 24. I know I have plenty of growing to do and have plenty time on my hands to gain life experiences. I just can’t help but feel like I should have it all figured out by now. I should know what I am passionate about. I should know what I want to do for the rest of my life. I should have found my niche by now. I know I’m insane for thinking this way because I am still fairly young.

At this moment in my life the only thing I know for certain is that…. I want to live life knowing that I am an example of the change I wish to see in the world. Hence the Ghandi quote, “Be the change you wish to see in the world.” I don’t know what the future holds and that is my biggest frustration just not knowing. I wish I could just choose a career and know for certain that 25+ years later I will be satisfied with my choice. 

-Sasha “Polish the soul”

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Polish The Soul

By Sasha Yes, it’s my body, and your image is not my body image. Body shammers need to wrap that around their heads. I’ll repeat it. What you see in …

Polish The Soul